Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Great Cover!

This is a cover that my hubsy told me about. I used to LOVE this song, but I really like this sooo much better! Way to go Obadiah Parker!!

Introducing "Lyrical Tuesdays"

I totally use music to bring out feelings in myself. You know, the ones that are hiding because they are too much to handle for the moment whether they be too excited, too sad, or just a big mix in between.

I am introducing "Lyrical Tuesday" to my blog because I want to share with readers songs and lyrics that bring out any feeling in me. Here is my first song, I cannot hear it enough. Recently I have made a few discoveries about myself that were hard to realize.

Though my whole life I had dreams of becoming a mother and wife, I also had dreams of being well known, a fast paced smart woman. I threw the latter dream out the window back in 2001 when I thought that I would soon be a wife and mother. Turns out I was wrong. Distraught, alone, and heartsick I scrambled to put back the pieces of my broken self. Three years later, I met my hubsy and my dream of being a mom and wife came true.

Here's the kicker.

I thought that dream was big enough to sustain me, to kind of "phase" out the old dream, but it just keeps burning inside me. So hot in fact, that anytime I see or hear anything from back before I crumbled I begin crying ridiculously. I cannot for the life of me remember what that old feeling is like. To be the no-fear-I-am-going-to-be-somebody-just-you-wait girl who held life by the balls and took everything she wanted. Somewhere between heartbreak, marriage, and mommyhood she got so lost not even the biggest breadcrumbs would lead her back.

For Christmas this year, my mother bought me a 1995 teal Mustang. Every time I drive her, I am reminded of my former self, and each time I find a breadcrumb. I feel the confidance rising again, and talked with hubsy about returning to college to pursue the dream I had back then: Journalism/Communications; another breadcrumb.

I know the road will be long and hard - Lo's whimper just reminded me again - and it will be tough to balance, but I cannot be unfair to the girl who graduated with superior dreams and motivation. In order to be the best wife and mother, my other half has to be sustained as well. So listen to the song and feel whatever you feel, I will be sitting here putting together my pile of breadcrumbs.

****I suggest you push play to hear the song while reading it.****

Glitter In The Air
Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don’t care?

It’s only half past the point of no return
The tip of the ice burg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

Monday, December 29, 2008

Late Night Awake

It is 1 AM and I am pretty much wide awake. Why, you ask? I slept all day.


I was woken up by my daughter running into my room, hubsy right on her heels fully clothed. "Why are you dressed?" I asked with my squeaking morning voice. "I went into the office to reset all the servers," he said. "Annnn we went shopping mommy." Love my baby girl to tell on her daddy.

So anyhoo, hubsy tells me it is 1 PM! Holy freaking cow. 1 PM? I could have seriously kept on sleeping, but I didn't want to sleep the whole day away, so I got up.

I took my medicine according to the chart. (If you aren't sure what I am talking about you can read about my surrogacy journey here.) This medicine has really really started getting to me. I was so tired less than two hours of being awake, that I told hubsy I was going to take a nap. I slept for 3 more hours! i cannot believe it.

Tomorrow, I have to get bloodwork and an ultrasound, (again check out the above link) and possibly work over a 9 hour shift at VS. I am not looking too forward to that because my head gets dizzy and headach-y with the meds let alone with getting my blood taken. Plus, this is the 3 time I have had blood drawn in the past 6 days! That is alot. Ugh.

So its 1:15 and I guess I better get to bed. Check on y'all later!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

School Days

When I was in highschool, I was the editor of the yearbook and I loved my writing class. I had decided to major in college in Journalism and spoke with my less than perfect school counselor about it. Here's how the conversation went.

Me: "I am thinking about going to Mizzou for Journalism."
LTP Counselor: "Great school, have fun"

That was basically it, I wasn't guided in the correct way, nor was I helped out in the planning. See in my highschool, if you weren't in her "Fave 5" circle, you didn't get much attention.


Hubsy and I have decided I am going to go back to school for my first true passion, and I am going to start practicing writing more. I need to remember how I used to get my wit onto paper, and remember all my grammar! Yikes! I think I am in for a bumpy ride.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Christmas Is Near

I am late putting out my Christmas cards, this is true. It is also true that I just now today did my Christmas shopping for my daughter, LO. And yes, it is true that our Christmas tree is STILL NOT DECORATED. Can you spell p-r-o-c-r-a-s-t-i-n-a-t-i-o-n?

Things have been so off with my husband and I lately due to my lack of job. Things aroung the house have been slacking, and definantly the funds have been missing. But today however all that changed.

Hubs and I had made peace with the idea that our 2 year old daughter LO, was going to have a meager Christmas this year from us. We basically had a little over $50 to spend, and it was most likely going to be spent buying an ELMO live doll that she reluctantly agreed to allow Santa to bring. (Up until now, she refused the idea of scarey Santa coming into her house. It was only when I told her he would come while she was sleeping, leave her a toy of her choosing, and she wouldn't have to see him that she finally agreed to it.)We decided to go out this afternoon and buy what we could, so as we were eating breakfast (Hubs cooks a fantastic breakfast on the weekends) we began to plan our shopping trip. That is when my mother called.

"Good morning Libert, what are you doing"
"Eating eggs and hash browns"
"What do you have planned for today"
"We were thinking about going Christmas shopping since LO is at Hubs' parents' house"
"Great, I was thinking of doing that too, wanna go together and you can tell me all you want to buy for baby LO?"

I got so excited. Hubs and I quickly finished our food and headed the 45 minutes to my mom's to pick her up. I said hello to my brother and sister, and started excitedly talking about what we hoped to get. Then we all piled into our Jeep and headed up to Crestwood.

When we got to Toys R Us, it was a madhouse. First off, we did not have a plan. We didn't have anything in mind to buy other than ELMO, and got stuck in every toy aisle imaginable. Things were being thrown in our cart then pulled back out as we couldn't decide what to buy. After finding out our budget was- - -$400- - - and after the shock wore off, we had two VERY FULL carts of toys for LO and for my 5 year old sister. Here are some of the things we got for LO.

Loving Family Dollhouse

You & Me Baby- Change My Diaper Mommy

We also got her some furniture to go in this house, but you get the idea.

LFD Minivan

And a few other things that total $400 like a Leapster2, a Graco baby set, and lots of fun things. My mom picked this one especially for her.

Candyland Game Table and Chairs

I may be a bit behind the curve on the Christmas to do list, but today, when leaving the store a felt full of excitement and relief. I couldn't stop smiling as we walked out, then I could't stop crying because my baby girl was going to have a great Christmas, and that is all that matters to me.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

VS Diaries

Well, so far, I love my job. I have worked every night this week, and truly love what I am doing. Maybe the one downfall is all the recovery that must be down in the panty bars. That is not fun.

I have been having so much fun helping men in the store. I have had a man come up to exchange 5 tiny v sting panties. When I giggled an asked if he picked them himself. He said "yup, and when she opened them, she said 'you dummie, i don't wear these!'" Then I had a man spend over $300 for his wife for Christmas. It's just so fun to see how people choose things, and how many things there are and different colors and different styles. I love it.

Now let's see how I feel next week.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Victoria's Secret

I now have a job at the fabulously pink Victoria's Sedret! I am so excited, more than I have been with any job really! I cannot wait to start on Monday! I'll keep you posted!

Monday, December 8, 2008

My Photography Business

Woooohoooo, My photography business is officially up and running. The website is finished, and I am so excited to finally get going! Time to line up! I even have a free Delivery Story to give away, so check it out!


Oh yea, and referrals get 25% of their session fee! Keep them coming!
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