Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Introducing "Lyrical Tuesdays"

I totally use music to bring out feelings in myself. You know, the ones that are hiding because they are too much to handle for the moment whether they be too excited, too sad, or just a big mix in between.

I am introducing "Lyrical Tuesday" to my blog because I want to share with readers songs and lyrics that bring out any feeling in me. Here is my first song, I cannot hear it enough. Recently I have made a few discoveries about myself that were hard to realize.

Though my whole life I had dreams of becoming a mother and wife, I also had dreams of being well known, a fast paced smart woman. I threw the latter dream out the window back in 2001 when I thought that I would soon be a wife and mother. Turns out I was wrong. Distraught, alone, and heartsick I scrambled to put back the pieces of my broken self. Three years later, I met my hubsy and my dream of being a mom and wife came true.

Here's the kicker.

I thought that dream was big enough to sustain me, to kind of "phase" out the old dream, but it just keeps burning inside me. So hot in fact, that anytime I see or hear anything from back before I crumbled I begin crying ridiculously. I cannot for the life of me remember what that old feeling is like. To be the no-fear-I-am-going-to-be-somebody-just-you-wait girl who held life by the balls and took everything she wanted. Somewhere between heartbreak, marriage, and mommyhood she got so lost not even the biggest breadcrumbs would lead her back.

For Christmas this year, my mother bought me a 1995 teal Mustang. Every time I drive her, I am reminded of my former self, and each time I find a breadcrumb. I feel the confidance rising again, and talked with hubsy about returning to college to pursue the dream I had back then: Journalism/Communications; another breadcrumb.

I know the road will be long and hard - Lo's whimper just reminded me again - and it will be tough to balance, but I cannot be unfair to the girl who graduated with superior dreams and motivation. In order to be the best wife and mother, my other half has to be sustained as well. So listen to the song and feel whatever you feel, I will be sitting here putting together my pile of breadcrumbs.

****I suggest you push play to hear the song while reading it.****

Glitter In The Air
Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don’t care?

It’s only half past the point of no return
The tip of the ice burg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?


Lynds said...

I believe I've felt similar to what you've written. Like that person my husband fell in love with has been lost to babies, children, husbands, and everyone else that it's hard to find me. I'm working towards that healthful balance myself of being a wife, mother, and me.

much luck with your breadcrumbs and journey that lays ahead of you.

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