TV Premieres

Ok, so generally, I am a severe follower of TV. I get sooo involved that I practically count down the days in between epis, I curse the cliffhanger finales, build the off season and freak out when it is time for the premieres. Only this year, I seem to have forgotten ALL the details of the finales. I have been seeing all the trailors for the shows, and when the "previous" information shows I think "WTF!?" he got shot? "WTH?!" He is dead?? Every show has had a serious ending, and now, I am at the beginning of each one, and I am so lost and clueless. How did that happen!! ARRRGH. Is it possible that my passion for tv is waning? Could it be that I just do not have them time for my tv life anymore. Is my schedule so full that my love affair with Horatio Cane is ending. That my forever friendship with Melinda Gordon has been pushed under the rug. Could it be that my DVR has created a wedge so far between us that I can no longer bridge the gap. That my Saturday viewing of a Tuesday's date has caused irreperable damage?

Or maybe, just maybe, my DVR has finally freed me from your stronghold and I am able to live my life as it should be. Spending precious moments with my daughter, creating irreplaceable memories with my husband, and taking each day as it comes with a spontenaity that can only be found by not following a schedule.

Relax, Serena & Blair, I will see you soon. Don't cry Grisom, Tyra, and Probst. You all have a reserved spot in my heart, and on my hard drive. . . but for now. I am off to snuggle my baby to sleep.

Thanks My Stars for HotSync!

Well, about two weeks ago, DH got mad at me and snapped my phone in half (razr) and I upgraded to a new Palm Centro. It has become my world, my address book, and my date book. I depend on it more than I probably should. Anyway, three days ago, in a fit of anger I throw my phone to the floor. (I always lose my temper, but this is the first time I have ever given in to it, and thrown something) Sure enough, the screen shattered and I had to get another one. Luckily I had the insurance plan, and was able to get another Palm in one day. It was great, but I started freaking out because of my appointments, my phone numbers and everything else I had on the phone. I called my cellular store and the lovely girl reminded me about hotsync whish I had not really used. Tonight I hooked it on up and sure enough, from my old phone all the info was downloaded to my laptop, and then I hooked up my new phona and viola! My old phone is now my new phone! I am so excited and relieved! Hooorah!!!

Audrina & LC

I couldn't help but cry tonight watching the Hills when LC and Audrina made up. There have been soo many times that A and I have beedn in the same situation, and been breaking down crying because we love each other so much. I mean, you don't be best friends for 16 + years without some of those tension moments when you begin to grow and are not sure where your friendship is going to go. True friendship though, like ours, will experience those moments, those fights, those rifts and be strong enough to survive those bad moments; to stretch and bend in ways that will keep our lives intertwined forever. Friendship like this is eternal.

Do Crickets Chirp?!

My life, at times, seems like a giant blur. I thrive on chaos, getting my strength and energy from pressured moments. My best papers in highschool were written at 3 am the day of my 8 am class deadline. Not that I didn't work on it until then, I did. I always began the paper on the day it was assigned, turned in the "topic mapping" and rough drafts. I would sit down, almost in a pattern, the evening before the paper was due and set to work on the final draft. Instead of just having finishing touches, I would have a moment of genius about midway through the paper, and go an entirely new route. Armed with $.50 I would head to the common room vending machine to grab some much needed caffeine, stop and say hi to my friends whose doors always remained opened, getting back to my room near midnight. Then with a pen in my hand, I would write an "A" paper from start to finish with no mapping, drafts, or edits. I am not sure why I was able to do that, I can only assume it came from pressure.
One time, while trying to get student aide through the FAFSA, I was audited and required to get info from the IRS regarding my mothers yearly income tax. My mother, sweet as she is, believes sometimes in funny conspiracies and would not for the life of her, call and request the information. I called the IRS many times begging for them to just give me the information. I had all her credentials (SS #, address and so on-- oddly enough supplied by her to help get the info, though she refused to get on the phone) to gain access, but was still denied. Finally the day of the audit, I called the IRS and pleaded one more time. When refused, I asked 'could I get the information if my mom just got on the phone for a minute', the answer was yes. In true pressure style, I "called out" to my mother; who at the time wasn't even in the same city as me; switched my voice a bit and did my best impersonation to get the information faxed to the financial aide office.
In relationships, I have never been 'ok' with being "ok". When things are going smoothly, things are seemingly perfect and normal, I can feel my skind crawling with an awkwardness. I start fights, seek out drama, or if I cannot find it, I create it. To me, this "controlled chaos" makes me feel normal. Makes me feel ok, familiar. I attribute this to my chaotic upbringing, which is a tale far to involved and too long for this one post. In a nut shell, I was raised by a single mother who was just 23 when left with 2 daughters under 5. We moved almost every two years, met more boyfriends that I can count, and on more than one occasion played pretend in the back seat of a car on the side of the road to pass the time while mom napped in the driver's seat.
It may be hard for you to believe now, but though I do well with chaos and pressure, out of the majority of my family, I am the most normal. I finally have a good, steady job, a hardworking and loving husband, and a beautfiul 2 year old daughter. We live in a small town, in a nice house, and enjoy creating memories while looking forward to the things to come in the future. We do not live paycheck to paycheck, have never gone without electricy or water, and have never had any real crisis' thank GOD. It's strange sometimes for me to look at some other people in my family, I think 'why are they ok with this type of life'.
Sitting here in my living room, with all the windows open, fan blowing and crickets chirping, I am reminded of how wonderful my life is. That under this roof I have all I have ever wanted, and I am truly alive and blessed. I have been through some semi tough times- I know many have been throw worse- but have come out pretty unjaded. I still cry when I see someone standing at the light with a cardboard sign (why is it BTW the sign is always cardboard?) catch my breath with there is someone on tv saying "I love you" and I still want to save the world, one chaotic life at a time.

Just Give Me the Cheap Stuff!

So I am sitting here drinking a $6 bottle of red wine and within sips I can feel the familiar tingle starting at my toes. The warm flush is already in my cheeks, and the giddyness is rising inside. DH is on his second beer, and showing no signs of these feelings. Stupid men and their high tolerence for alcohol.
Anyway, DH is playing some XBOX game, and I am listening to my audiobook version of "Love the One Your With" I am almost finished with it, and feel like it is totally paralleling my recent months with my ex. I am actually eager to get to the end, to see what the herione does in the story. Not that I can or will change my decisions that I have made in my situation, but it still I would like to know.
This week has been so long, I am happy to be in the weekend. I have some things planned this weekend, but still will be able to relax. Tomorrow is mainly cleanup day. Planning on cleaning my house and getting ready for Sunday. The day of all days. Football season starts and I am also having a partylite party. We are having over family and friends, and having barbeque and fun snacks. I am a new football fan, just started actively following it last year. DH and his family are huge football celebrators, mostly following Favre and the Packers. Though now, we are going to be cheering on the Jets as well. I have bought poster boards and paint, to make signs to cheer on our teams. My brother cheers the Panthers, and my stepdad cheers the Dolphins. We have the Sunday ticket and HDTV so it should be fun for all.
Partylite should be good too, though I accidentally spent all my money tonight at good ole WalMart. I need/want to get some candles for my hanging sconces, and of course this thought was lost in my mind somewhere while I added clearance compositions, tank tops, nail polish, and other goodies into my cart. I never add anything up in my head, and had no idea how much things would cost. But sure enough, I spent all my fun extra money at Walmart, and not on Partylite.
Third glass of wine now and things are starting to spin a bit and my thoughts are swirling. Man, I sure am a cheap drunk!