Saturday, January 17, 2009

The World Revolves Around Me

It is true! At least in my mind, the world revolves around me.

When I was young, my mother always said, "The world does not revolve around you, contrary to what you think." I thought she was crazy, and was always insulted by this statement. Of course she didn't really think I thought that! I mean come on, Me? I am the most empathetic and sensitive person I know. I constantly think of others before myself. However as of tonight, I realize that what my mother accused me of was correct.

I do in fact believe the world revolves around me.

It's not like I think it on purpose though. I just seem to not realize that when hubsy is reading a book, it is not the best time to sit next to him and talk about what we could do to fix up the house. When I am watching tv, and want a drink, of course I think that hubsy will stop what he is doing in the room even further from the kitchen and get me a drink because I asked. Where did this "queen" complex start.

It is even worse with my thoughts. I will have a conversation with someone and then later remember the conversation, and begin speaking again, at the very sentence I left off in my mind. Most of the time this sentence does not usher in what I was thinking about and people end up looking at me and being confused because they do not remember that we were talking about the thing earlier, or I may even leave out the thing I was talking about. It's as if my thoughts are the only thoughts, and of course they are what everyone else is thinking of too.

Silly, I know.

Anyhoo, I figured this all out tonight when I once again interrupted hubsy with talk about what to do around the house. He was reading his book, and I just took no notice and sat down next to him and started talking. His face fell and he closed his book. It was then that I realized my selfish behavior was not only partially - ok totally - annoying, but it was hurtful to him to think that I really didn't care about what he was choosing to do and wanting to do. That I just assumed I was more important. I do not want to do that again.

Another thing he told me was that the other day, when he felt he was finally opening up and sharing something with me about his book and I interrupted the conversation and talked about something I thought about, and left the room, it really really hurt him and disouraged him from opening up again. I am completely guilty of that, and I really want to nurture his growing communication, and keep us moving forward so tonight, I apologized when I caught myself, sincerely apologized and I think he understands.

We both have something to work on, and will both help each other work on our faults; his bad communication, and my willingness to believe that I am the sun and everything else revolves around me. At least we both have faults, and that is what I love about us.


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